Grieving a Person Who’s Alive: Ambiguous Grief and Loss

Diagram showing ambiguous grief, including adaptive grief and disenfranchised grief, with associated concepts.

Learn more about Grief Therapy.

In This Blog, You’ll Learn:

✅ How to recognize signs of ambiguous grief - Checklist to see if you're experiencing it

✅ Real-life examples of grieving someone still alive

✅ How ambiguous grief differs from anticipatory grief

✅ Myths vs. facts about ambiguous grief

✅ How to cope and begin healing

✅ Where to find grief therapy and support near you

What Is Ambiguous Grief?

So, what is ambiguous grief and what does ambiguous grief mean? It’s a form of grief that arises when there’s no clear-cut loss or closure. You may be grieving someone who is still alive but emotionally or physically unavailable.

Yes. Grieving a person who’s alive is real and often misunderstood. You can feel deep sorrow, confusion, and even guilt when someone is still here in body but gone in connection, memory, or behavior. Ambiguous grief is most common in situations such as the ones below.

Am I Experiencing Ambiguous Grief?

💔 Ambiguous grief is the ache of losing someone, or something, that’s still physically present, but emotionally, relationally, or situationally distant.

If any of these sound familiar, you may be grieving in ways you didn’t even realize. Use this checklist to explore if you may be grieving someone who’s still alive or emotionally unavailable. If any of these resonate, you may be navigating ambiguous loss and you’re not alone.

💔 Relationship Grief

You may be grieving the emotional connection you once had, even if the physical relationship hasn’t fully ended. Learn more about relationship therapy near me.

☐ I’m going through a breakup or divorce, but I still see the person regularly.

☐ I co-parent with my ex, share a workplace, or keep bumping into them, it’s hard to move on.
☐ I’m in a relationship that feels emotionally distant or disconnected, even though we’re still together.
☐ I hear from an ex often, and emotionally, I’m still grieving the relationship.

☐ When a marriage is over or you are separated. Or you're seeing the signs marriage is over.

💔 Family Grief

You might be mourning a bond that feels unreachable, even when the person is still alive. Learn more about family therapy near me.

☐ A parent or loved one has dementia or Alzheimer’s, they’re physically here, but they no longer know who I am.
☐ I’m estranged from a parent, sibling, or relative, and I quietly miss them.
☐ I’ve lost contact with a family member, and the silence feels heavy, like a loss no one talks about.
☐ A loved one moved far away due to immigration or is incarcerated, and I grieve our disconnection.

💔 Identity Grief

Ambiguous grief often lives in transitions, moments when who you used to be no longer feels true, but you’re unsure what comes next. Learn more about individual therapy near me.

☐ A shift in a relationship or family role has made me feel like I’ve lost part of who I am.
☐ I feel stuck in grief, even though no one has died.
☐ I don’t know how to explain my sadness, it’s confusing, and sometimes I feel guilty for feeling this way.
☐ My child left home, and although I’m proud, I feel a quiet emptiness that’s hard to describe.
☐ I’ve felt grief related to a change in my faith or religion, especially if it shifted how I connect with family, community, or my past self.

☐ I’ve experienced grief while coming out or navigating my LGBTQIA+ identity, especially if I’ve lost relationships, safety, or community along the way. Learn more about LGBTQ+ therapy near me NJ.

💔 Life Transition Grief

Even when changes are expected or chosen, they can carry loss. You’re allowed to grieve the life you once had. If you checked off more than a few of these, you may be experiencing ambiguous grief, a quiet, complex type of grief that’s often overlooked but deeply real.

☐ I lost a job, was laid off, or retired—and I’m grieving the structure, purpose, or identity that came with it.
☐ I left a career path, passion, or phase of life—and while I chose the change, it still hurts.
☐ I miss my “old life” before a major shift (like a move, illness, or becoming a parent).
☐ I feel like I’m grieving a version of myself that no longer exists.

At Mountains Therapy in Montclair, NJ, we offer compassionate support through grieving counseling near me, grieving therapy near me, and guidance from a therapist for grief, loss, or life transitions

Myths and Facts About Grief and Loss

Because ambiguous grief isn’t often discussed, many people feel isolated or unsure whether their feelings are “real” or “just in their head.” Let’s break down some of the most common misconceptions:

Myth: You can’t grieve someone who’s still alive.

✅ Fact: You absolutely can. Grieving someone who’s alive is valid and often more complicated than a physical death because there's no closure.

Myth: Ambiguous grief isn’t as serious as other types of grief.

✅ Fact: Ambiguous grief can be just as intense—if not more so—because it’s ongoing, unresolved, and often unacknowledged by others.

Myth: If you chose to end the relationship, you shouldn’t feel grief.

✅ Fact: Even when the ending was necessary, you can still grieve what was lost—hopes, shared history, or emotional connection.

Myth: Therapy is only for people who lost someone through death.

✅ Fact: Therapists regularly work with clients navigating ambiguous grief from breakups, estrangement, illness, or identity changes.

Myth: Time will eventually “fix” ambiguous grief.

✅ Fact: Time alone doesn’t resolve ambiguous loss—processing it with tools, support, and validation is what leads to healing.

How Long Does Ambiguous Grief Last?

Because the loss lacks closure, how long does ambiguous grief last can vary greatly. It might feel like it lingers indefinitely, especially if you're still interacting with the person. When you’re grieving someone who’s alive, such as an estranged parent or emotionally distant partner, grief tends to resurface during milestones, holidays, or simple reminders. This makes the healing process more complex. That’s why support from a therapist for grief or grieving therapy near me is so important—it helps you create space to heal even when the situation hasn’t changed.

Ambiguous Grief vs Anticipatory Grief

Let’s clarify ambiguous grief vs anticipatory grief:

Ambiguous grief happens when there’s uncertainty or emotional disconnection, like grieving someone still alive but no longer emotionally present.
Anticipatory grief happens before an expected loss.
Such as such as a loved one in hospice care, seeing signs that a marriage is over, your relationship has all the main causes of divorce, fear and relationships fading, relationships fear of loss, signs of a loss of identity, signs of job layoffs coming, etc.

Both types are valid and painful, and both can benefit from therapy and emotional support.

How to Handle Ambiguous Grief

When you’re grieving a person who’s alive, you might feel guilt, anger, or confusion on top of the sadness. You may wonder if you're even allowed to grieve. The answer is: yes. Your grief is valid.

Here’s how to begin coping with grief:

✅ Acknowledge your grief—even if others don’t
✅ Set boundaries with people you’re still in contact with
✅ Reflect or journal with guidance from a therapist for grief
✅ Seek closure through rituals, letters, or symbolic gestures
✅ Use grieving counseling near me to process what you're feeling in a safe, validating space

How to Process and Get Over Ambiguous Grief

You may be searching how to get over ambiguous grief, or how to process ambiguous grief when the loss isn’t final. The truth is, you don’t need to “get over” it—you need to learn how to carry it with more peace and self-compassion. This is where therapy comes in. Whether you’re searching for grieving therapy near me, therapist for loss, or even just starting with a search for someone who understands your pain, help is available.

Healing Loss When There's No Goodbye

When someone is gone emotionally but still physically here, the grief is real and it matters. At Mountains Therapy in Montclair, NJ, we understand how hard it is to grieve someone who’s still in your life. Whether you’re navigating loss, estrangement, or emotional distance, our therapists are here to support your healing. We offer therapy for all types of loss, including support for ambiguous grief, grieving counseling near me, and grieving therapy near me—so you don’t have to carry it alone.