How to Deal with a Narcissistic Parent

Counselor helping client with narcissistic parent in family counseling.

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In This Blog, You’ll Learn:

How to recognize narcissistic parent behavior
The emotional impact of a narcissistic parent on you
Strategies for handling, healing, and moving forward

If you grew up with a narcissistic parent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), you may be carrying wounds that are difficult to understand, let alone heal. Maybe you constantly doubt yourself, struggle with low self-esteem, or find it hard to set boundaries. You might even be asking yourself, “Can a narcissistic parent cause depression?” or “Can having a narcissistic parent cause BPD?”—the answer is yes. The emotional turmoil of being raised by a parent who is supposed to love and support you, but instead manipulates and controls, can have lifelong effects. But you don’t have to stay stuck in that pain.

How to Recognize a Narcissistic Parent

Narcissistic parents have a pattern of behavior that puts their own needs above their child’s. They often:

Dismiss your feelings and experiences
Make everything about them
Use guilt or shame to control you
Withhold love or affection unless you meet their expectations
Play favorites among siblings to create competition
Expect you to take care of their emotional needs

This type of parent-child dynamic can leave you feeling unseen, unheard, and emotionally drained. If you’ve ever wondered, “What are examples of narcissistic parent abuse?” it can include emotional neglect, excessive criticism, gaslighting, and even financial control well into adulthood.

How a Narcissistic Parent Affects You

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can shape your mental and emotional health in profound ways. Many adults raised by narcissistic parents struggle with:

Self-doubt and perfectionism: You may have been conditioned to believe your worth depends on pleasing others.
Difficulty in relationships: Narcissistic parents teach conditional love, making it hard to trust others.
Anxiety and depression: If you’re asking, “Can narcissistic parent cause depression?”—absolutely. The constant invalidation can wear you down.
Identity struggles: Your parent may have dictated who you should be, making it hard to know who you actually are.
Emotional triggers: Even as an adult, interactions with your parent might send you into a spiral of self-doubt and distress.

How to Handle a Narcissistic Parent

The good news? You don’t have to keep playing their game. Here’s how to protect yourself:

1. Set Boundaries

Narcissistic parents don’t like limits, but setting firm ones is necessary. Be clear about what behaviors you will and won’t tolerate.

For example, if your parent constantly criticizes you, you can say, "I won't engage in conversations where I'm being put down." If they attempt to guilt-trip you, respond with, "I understand you're upset, but I won't be manipulated into doing something I'm not comfortable with."

2. Stop Seeking Their Approval

It’s painful to accept, but your parent may never give you the love and validation you deserve. True healing comes from giving it to yourself. Instead of waiting for their approval, practice self-affirmation.

Say to yourself, "I am worthy, and my value is not defined by my parent's perception of me."

3. Limit Contact (If Needed)

If interactions with your parent leave you drained or hurt, it’s okay to limit or cut contact.

This isn’t mean, it’s self-preservation. This might mean reducing phone calls, skipping certain family gatherings, or going no-contact altogether if necessary. Prioritizing your mental well-being is not selfish—it’s essential.

4. Seek Therapy

Working with the best therapist near me can help you process past wounds and build healthier coping skills. Many people in this situation find therapy life-changing.

A therapist can provide strategies for managing emotional triggers, handling difficult conversations, and rebuilding your self-esteem outside of your parent’s influence.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

You are not responsible for your parent’s behavior, nor are you obligated to endure their mistreatment. Show yourself the kindness they didn’t.

Engage in self-care activities that make you feel nurtured and valued. When self-criticism arises, counter it with self-compassion: "It's okay that I'm struggling. I'm learning to heal, and I deserve kindness."

Breaking the Cycle: How to Parent a Narcissistic Child

If you’re now a parent yourself, you might be afraid of repeating the cycle. You may even wonder, “Can a narcissistic parent create a narcissistic child?” While narcissism has both genetic and environmental factors, the good news is that self-awareness can prevent harmful patterns. Providing love, validation, and emotional support to your child helps break the cycle of generational trauma.

When a Narcissistic Parent Dies: Mixed Emotions

If you’ve lost a narcissistic parent, you might feel unexpected emotions like relief, guilt, or even confusion. Many adult children find themselves wondering, “Why do I feel relief when my narcissistic parent dies?” The answer is complex. Losing a parent who was emotionally abusive can feel like the final closing of a chapter—one where you were never fully seen or valued. You are not alone in these feelings, and it’s okay to grieve (or not grieve) in your own way.

You Deserve Healing

Living with or healing from a narcissistic parent is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. Working with the best therapist Montclair NJ or the best counselor near me can help you unpack the emotional scars and move forward with clarity and self-love. If you’re ready to reclaim your life and heal from the past, therapy is a powerful first step.

At Mountains Therapy NJ, we are committed to providing the best therapy for individuals navigating complex family dynamics. Whether you need support in setting boundaries, processing trauma, or rebuilding your self-esteem, we’re here to help. You are not what your parent made you feel. You are worthy of love, healing, and peace. And that journey starts today.